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[Improve Orchid] Inappropriate emails


#1

I had the misfortune yesterday to receive a rather nasty email from
a fellow Orchid member. The poster expressed the opinion that s/he
thought my posts were constantly annoying, long-winded and “high and
mighty”, among other nasty comments.

Im writing this, not to name names or garner support - I know Im
welcomed as a member of Orchid (although this email knocked me for
six and left me wondering whether to stop posting altogether in case
others thought the same) - but to urge anyone else who experiences
this, to report such emails to Hanuman. I dont mean to put more work
on Hanuman, but if such incidences are recorded, then it can be
dealt with if such behaviour escalates further. Hanuman was as
always, very lovely in putting my mind at rest about this matter.

I am big enough to take constructive criticism about my work and
sincerely welcome that, but personal attacks are another matter.
Heres hoping we can all be a bit more civilized with each other,
even in off-list emails.

Helen
UK
http://www.hillsgems.co.uk
http://helensgems.ganoksin.com/blogs/

[edit]

Orchid is a flame free zone.

I’ve been insulted! How should I respond?

Your response can take a number of forms. The first and most
important thing you should do is to take a break and cool off.
Replies written in the heat of anger are seldom any better than the
postings which inspire them.

Now that you’ve cooled off, go back and consider the offending
message again. If it’s nothing but baseless arguments, then the best
response is to completely ignore it

If, on the other hand, the posting contains inaccuracies which you
feel need to be addressed, then it is perfectly reasonable to send a
follow-up message which does so.

However, the ideal approach is to ignore any hysteria, and stick
with the facts. Be reasonable and rational, point out the errors,
and avoid any personal attacks.

[/edit]


#2

Helen, I am sorry you have had such an unpleasant experience with a
fellow Orchid member. Please dont stop posting. I know that I learn a
lot from your posts, and I am sure others do too. We appreciate the
time that you put into answering questions.–especially the technical
ones. Your input is valuable.

It is only natural to feel hurt. However, the person who sent the
email was rude, and inconsiderate and I am sure that whatever he/she
said does not reflect what the rest of of think about your
contributions to Orchid.

Alma Rands


#3

Helen,

It is with great dismay that I read this post of yours. I am sorry
that someone treated you so badly in an offline post. It is nice that
we are able to directly email to people who post when the response is
something that would not be of general interest to the group, or we
are giving otherwise confidential out. While it is a
great thing that Hanuman can and does not allow flaming on the open
forum, it would be a shame for him to limit the availability of our
more personal responses to each other.

I suggest that if you get such a nasty email in the future that you
blacklist the sender from your email with whatever filters you have
available to you (either in your email programs filters or at you
ISPs spam filtering link). Another option is to use a bogus email
account on G-mail, Yahoo, or the like, for your posts to
Orchid…one that is specific for Orchid posts. That way it is easy
to eliminate when you get a troublesome jerk verbally assaulting you.
Otherwise just ignore the creep and delete emails from them in the
future; there are some horribly inconsiderate people out there. They
are most likely harmless cranks.

Yours is a name I have come to know very well over the last couple
years on this forum, and I welcome your open discussion of things you
question and things you have learned. Let it be know that there is at
least one member registered as enjoying your frequent contributions.

Paul D. Reilly


#4

Dear Helen-I always look forward to reading your posts-you have
interesting perspectives and resources and Im not too
old to learn something new even though Im not making jewelry as a
profession right now (raising a v


#5

Helen, I join the rest who send you support. As a rule, never respond
to off-line attacks, it will only fuel the personal insecurities of
your attacker… “Hate latters” are the privilege of celebrities, so
smile girl, you are one! at least in my books…

Mark in Prague


#6

Dear Helen,

Please keep posting-at least I look forward to your views, questions,
and If I dont have time to read evrything on Orchid I
have a delete key! I learn something everyday on this site and have
been corrected, etc. by others. It doesnt matter. Your experience is
different and valuable. Keep it up!

Margaret in Oceanside, CA


#7

Helen you are a gem.

Dont let a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch.

To those who dont know this…(and why would you?) Months ago, I
was looking for something not available here in the states. I emailed
Helen off list and asked if she may know where I could find such an
item. She was kind, helpful, and went out of her way to help me in
my search. She is a go getter who contributes greatly to this forum.
Helen, please know you are appreciated and dont stop posting. Doing
so just lets the buggers win!

Stay strong and lively!
Karen


#8

Helen,

Every now and then, there is a bloke or blokess, who takes on the
responsibility of “keeper of the keys.” This was not a bestowed
title, but a presumed one, and not one for them to take.

A barb is a barb, is a barb, and yes, thick or thin skinned, it does
penetrate a bit. Soothe the sting by reading the messages of support
you have already received, and for a few days, will continue to
receive.

Some have little ability to channel discontent, and must find a
target against whom to vent. That soul hopefully will seek and find
some peace, and quit blaming you for unrelated annoyances.

Since you first arrived on Orchid, you have been open, inquisitive,
asking for help, and sharing your experiences. You have also
generously shared your educated experiences as well, and are being
well recognized for that.

Thank you for adding to Orchid.
Hugs,
Terrie


#9

Well I for one enjoy your posts so keep on posting.

Jim

James Binnion
James Binnion Metal Arts


#10

Helen.

I have held off joining this thread because I have experienced some
flaming myself, fortunately on other forums. Sometimes people become
irritated and frustrated with someone else and just have to vent.
Especially when they do not have to face them!

But that is no excuse for being civil! Our society today is prone to
speed, lack of respect, and a serious loss of perspective! When all
that comes together, people can be very hurtful. Pay no attention.
You are the better for it by just letting it go and, essentially,
ignoring such people…albiet in a polite manner.

Helen, there are thousands on this valuable forum. Things like this
are, therefore, bound to happen now and then but for the one or two
who act this way, there are many thousands to whom respect and
tolerance still rules.

Never forget, we are a family and treasure every opinion no matter
our own.

Stay with it and cheers, Don in SOFL


#11

Helen,

I have had issues with some posters about what was said, how it was
said, or how frequently some people offered their opinions, sometimes
redundantly, but I did not feel it was my place to judge or criticize
unless I thought there was something inappropriate or inaccurate
about the of making or selling of gems or jewelry.

I think the purpose of Orchid is to share so there is
clarity of the how, what and why of making jewelry, selling it,
sourcing materials, and learning about techniques that make it
easier to have better results in the different processes used.
Sometimes the sharing is more opinion based and does not add to the
knowledge of how, what or why.

I personally do not feel it was right for the someone to attack you
saying your posts were constantly annoying, long-winded and “high and
mighty”, ect.

The person who posted that bears responsibility for opening your
posts after having established by their experience how they respond
to what you post.

Some people chose to blame others for their choice of what they chose
to focus on not realizing that they create themselves as a victim of
another persons behavior when all they need to do is chose to not pay
attention to what is bothering them about the other persons
behavior.

Bottom line, you did nothing to deserve to be treated like that, and
as Orchid is a community, people have different concepts of what
community means.

I heard a quote the other day, “Dont speak unless you improve upon
the silence.”

Now, go out and make it a good day.

Richard Hart G.G.
Denver, Co.


#12

Helen,

There are some slightly less than nice people with keyboards out
there. I have a couple of DELETE options for them ( have resisted the
temptation of red nail polish on the main key), and there is always
the exercise of just blocking them.

Sometime your posts are slightly verbose, but I do enjoy them and
they offer insights I hadnt thought of before. Dont quit over one
troll. I play as being a moderator on another list, other than
revealing my really evil side I also realise that you cant kill all
of them; a few is a good day.

jeffD
Demand Designs
Analog/Digital Modelling & Goldsmithing
http://www.gmavt.net/~jdemand


#13

Hi Helen…

I would advise this person, if they find your posts irritating, to
simply delete them…

No need to get nasty…

Gary W. Bourbonais
LHermite Aromatique
A.J.P. (GIA)


#14

To Alma Rands, Paul Reilly, Margaret Thornton, Mark in Prague and a
few people who emailed me offlist,

Thank you SO much for your wonderful support following the
inappropriate email I received. It cheered me up immensely when I
opened my laptop this morning and read the many kind emails you all
sent. Fortunately, Orchid is populated by many, many lovely people
and it really is like a family and hopefully those who arent so
lovely will learn some manners and become part of the family at some
point in the future.

Thanks again.

Helen
UK


#15

Helen - I have to throw in with the others. I appreciate you and Im
disturbed that someone would take the time to send such an
inappropriate email. If they dont want to read you, they can skip
messages with your name as the sender. Shame on them for not being
more mature. I believe I have had the pleasure of emailing you
offlist, for more positive exchange and I hope we dont lost that
ability. I agree, if people receive these messages, they should be
forwarded intact to Hanuman. One bad apple has a way of souring a
group - lets not let that happen. :slight_smile:

Janice


#16

Helen your enthusiasm, energy, openness, and determination are
something to behold!

True to form your response to an inappropriate email turns out to be
valuable to new and old alike.

All the best, Alastair.


#17

I am very surprised to hear this. Not because there is an Orchid
member that dislikes someone, that is their prerogative, but that
they took this step.

If I dont like a particular members style I simply dont read their
stuff. Easy. No need to be mean-spirited.

Anyway Helen, Im glad youre not giving them what they want and that
you will continue to be a vibrant contributor to this community.

Pete
PS - Im mindful of an idea I heard years ago, something like If
everyone likes you, you probably dont have a personality.


#18

Helen,

I regret hearing that you received such a personal attack. I dont
believe this represents Orchid members as a body. I, for one, value
your input here in Orchid.

Having been involved with computers since before we had the
worldwide web Ive developed a thought about things like this. In my
case, virtually everybody in Orchid is personally unknown me.
Therefore my only real contact is through the electronic bits and
bytes I have here on my computer, and by which I communicate with all
of you. Therefore, if I dont know you personally, why should I choose
to be upset if you try to attack me personally? I can choose to
relegate them to the status of bits and bytes, and therefore somewhat
of a non-entity. Well. it works for me J.

Please dont stop posting. Orchid works by the input of all members,
active members new and active members learned, as well as the
lurkers.

Mike DeBurgh, GJG
Henderson, NV


#19

I am a little behind in my Orchid reading, so I know you have
already replied to this, Helen, but I do wish to add my input. You
are a kind and generous Orchidian, taking risks to ask questions,
offer your own knowledge, and offering a friendly hand when we were
newbies.

Yeah, occasionally some of your posts are long, however your
knowledge of chemistry and way of explaining it has helped me
understand some of the concepts better. If you go into more detail
than I am interested in, just like with any other post, I dont have
to finish. Thats my choice. (All my friends know that I go into
"Stac-zone" if a topic goes too long in face-to-face conversation, so
this isnt unusual.)

Please keep posting, Helen, and let the flame burn itself out.

Stacy


#20

Helen, you certainly are welcomed as a member of the Orchid family. I
am sorry you have had this experience. The behavior of this one
Orchid member is inexcusable and certainly not in the spirit of this
forum.

You joined us as a complete (jewelry) amateur but with enormous
interest.

I have admired your determined resolve to learn and to continually
improve and appreciate your willingness to contribute to the group,
especially your encouragement and suggestion to current newbies.

Keep on keepin on.

Pam
http://www.songofthephoenix.com