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[yak] misbehaving customers and injuries


#1

With all those stories of misbehaving customers and injuries
galore, I received this email and I thought I would pass it
through to lighten things up (a bit):

The Five Stages of Drunkenness

STAGE 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known
universe. You know you know everything and you want to pass on your
knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT.
And of course, the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This
makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

STAGE 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in
the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect
stranger knowing that they fancy you and really want to talk to
you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this
person
about any subject under the sun.

STAGE 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world.
You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck
full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this
stage, because of course you’re still SMART, so naturally, you
will win all your bets. It doesn’t matter how much you bet 'cos you are
RICH. You will also start buying drinks for everyone that you fancy,
because you are now the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

STAGE 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially
those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because
nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up the boyfriends of

of the women who fancy you and challenge them to a battle of wits or
money. You have no fear of losing this battle, because you’re SMART,
you’re RICH and Hell, you’re better looking than them anyway.

STAGE 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do
anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You can dance on a table to impress
the women who fancy you because the rest of the people in the room
cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight
you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of you lungs
because no one can see or hear you and because you’re still SMART you
know ALL the words.
… You can do anything you want, because no one will know
…And you certainly won’t remember…


#2

Dear Pascal, You reminded me of my old drinking song

One drink makes me happy.
Two drinks make me sad.
Three drinks make me awful gadam mean,
and four drinks make me mad.

Five drinks and I wanta fight.
Six drinks and I do,
and, Buddy, after this seventh drink, I’m coming after YOU.

Never fear though, I quit alcohol 25 years ago.

Rich Balding aka Jerry Mings and/or Justin Witzig
mailto:@Jerry_Mings
http://www.net-quest.com/~wizard/ - Wizard Home Page
http://www.net-quest.com/~wizard/daphne.html - alt.fan.daphnes-corner
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