[TIDBITS] - The Slang of it All

The Slang of it All.

As I wend my way along the little dirt road Life has picked out
for me, I sometimes come across a book or two that tickle me no
end, and I buy it. I found, one day, an old old reference book of
colloquial speech, first published, I believe, in 1942. And so,
while perusing its pages, I came across some definitions I found
interesting. I pass them on folks, with no literary story
attached this week. Just words I thought you might like. I’ll
give you the words…then I’ll give you the synonyms in slang.
Ready? Here we go.

DIAMOND: Glass, Glitter, Lustre, Rock, Shiner, Sparkler, Hunk of
Ice, Spark, Blazer, Tiffany Ice…and…if of low
quality…Cracked Glass.

PEARLS: Oyster Fruit, Poils, Tears…and Margery…for a pearl,
and Widow …for a pierced pearl.

NECKLACE: Collar, Rope, String, Choker, Rock-Studded Horse
Collar ( this is a diamond necklace folks), and Milk Rope for a
pearl necklace.

JEWELRY TRINKET: Dobauble, Dobobble, Glitter, Pretty-Pretty,
Thingamabauble, Dazzler, and Lamppost…this last one depicts a
showy piece of jewelry.

FINGER RING: Fawney, Hoop, Hoople, Headlight, and, last but not
least, Handcuff…a less than euphemistic description of an
engagement ring… surely thought up by a disenchanted lover.

WATCH: Block, Dial, Indicator, Ticker, Timer, Turnip (?..Don’t
ask folks, some mysteries are better left alone), Yack, Tattler,
Hickory Dock, Artichoke (another mystery), Zagger (cheap watch),
Stemwinder, and Block and Tackle.

JEWELED PIN: Prop, Sticker, Spark Prop, and Bug.

GOLD: Red, Ridge, Sunshine, Yellow, African Dust, and Insect
Powder…this last one means gold dust.

SILVER: Wedge, White, and White Stuff. Boring, I know. But how
could I leave it out?

JEWELRY: (In the underworld of the day) Candy, Collar, Glitters,
Junk, Hardware, Tomfoolery, Brass, Flash, and Onions & Marbles
(more pearls here folks).

Since the above is a tad short, I thought I’d throw in a bit of
Norse mythology for kicks. Frigga, for whom Friday was named, so
badly wanted a certain gold necklace four dwarves had made that
she slept with all four of them in one night in order to possess
it. Well…back in them thar days sexual misconduct was frowned
upon. I mean…four!!!..in one night? Sheesh! Loki, not such a
nice God, told Odin (Frigga’s husband and a major God) the story
of how his wife had obtained the necklace. Loki must have sneered
something to the effect of, “What did ya think…she won it in a
crap game or something?” Anyway, Odin was a tad upset. Four? All
in one night? For a lousy necklace? The girl was clearly a slut.
Steal the necklace back, he told Loki. Which Loki did, by turning
himself into a fly and flying through the keyhole while Frigga
was fast asleep, probably twitching with glee over her last
escapade. C’mon Dopey and Sneezy and Grumpy and Doc. C’mon. Line
up. Take a ticket and wait yer turn. Well Odin refused to return
the necklace unless Frigga consented to provoke a war in which,
each night, all the heroes that fell by day were to be
resuscitated to continue to fight the next day. Well, Frigga
didn’t care how many men died in battle, especially if they were
going to be revived to fight and die again…so she agreed. The
moral. Heck folks…there is no moral in an immoral tale.

And there ya have it.
That’s it for this week folks.
Catch you all next week.

Take care,
Benjamin Mark

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