The Saint Who Tickled His Nose
I did an article some time ago about Ojime…the magical jewels Of
japan. These miniaturized little statuettes which used to hang off of
Japanese and Chinese kimonos make for the most wonderful of
collector’s items. Aside from being extraordinarily beautiful…these
statuettes carry within them the spirits of magic. And it is this
magic that I’ve decided to impart to you folks…for magic is not
easy to find…and if I don’t pass The Knowledge on to you…if not
The subjects of these little carved jewels were as varied as the mind
is complex. Representations ranged from animals to gaming dice to
saints to hard core pornography. It is not, however, the subjects
that carried within their core the elements of magic so deeply needed
by one and all…but rather the material used in the creation of these
And so…Disease runs rampant in the drinking waters. Demonic
possession --easily recognized by the knowledgeable elite as the major
cause of most diseases–rules the air. Contagious disease is epidemic.
Doctors are not readily available. However, if you make some ojime out
of a material that can be used as a magical cure…then you’re
cooking…often literally speaking. And so here are some materials
used for ojime…and some of the uses of said materials.
Take some ivory parings of elephant tusks together with water…and
you’ve cured epilepsy, smallpox, jaundice, and female sterility. You
can easily see why it was important to carry around some ivory ojime.
Got a swollen throat, a headache, fever, gonorrhea…or do you suffer
from baldness and there’s no Yak hair around to cover your glistening
pate?..Ivory is your answer. Burn your buffalo horn ojime and use
the ash to cure your ills. Ash of ox bone, by the way, cures
vomiting, diarrhea, uterine discharge, and ulcers in the nose. Yech!
Now folks…no wardrobe is complete without ojime made of deer
antler. Here’s what you do. Roast your choice deer-antler-ojime over
an open fire, then pound into a mash with water and reheat six times.
Now add a little cow’s milk. Yummy. You now have a cure for
nymphomania. No longer will your women have intercourse with the
devil…well…not unless they really really want to. You also have a
cure for boils, and kidney weakness, and backache, and spinal ache,
and a variety of gynecological problems. Wait…we’re not done. This
stuff also cures malaria, whooping cough, children’s dribblings,
pimples, cold sores, and breast abscesses.
Want to live a long long long long time? Hmmm? Want the secret? I’ll
tell you this…Ponce de Leon was barking up the wrong tree. Try a
little Mother-of-pearl. It contains the key of life and–when
prepared properly–becomes the elixir of immortality.
This is an endless tale, my friends. I digress momentarily to discuss
our nose tickling saint. I will then return…for what lure has a
stronger tug on the sensibilities of man that the lure of magic? Our
little ojime …which I will show you in the Tidbit graphic…is that
of a Taoist saint made of antique bronze and gold…tickling his
nose. My purpose of showing you this icon is arbitrary and capricious.
I chose it for no reason other than that of its sheer beauty.
Okay…glad that’s done. Back to magic.
Make your ojime out of narwhal tusk–that most mysterious of all
ivories-- and you’ve got yourself some potent stuff. The very presence
of poison in the room will make the ivory sweat. It’s also good for
reducing fever. Big deal, you say? Yeah, well…you ain’t heard it all
folks. It has one more outstanding feature. It is a powerful
aphrodisiac. Care for some moofky-poofky and your partner ain’t in the
mood? Slip him/her some tea dipped with narwhal tusk and the earth is
gonna rock and the skies are gonna quake and the stars are gonna
dance in the heavens. I have it from secret sources that this stuff
makes viagra look like cream of farina.
beak… they all have properties to cure the ills of man. Carry or
wear enough ojime…and you won’t need medical doctors anymore.
Listen…I have to make a disclaimer here. If you don’t feel
well…go to your health care person first and ask him about the
advisability of using your ojime of choice. Listen carefully to what
he says…and ignore the magic I impart on these pages. Yeah. Sure.
Wink wink. What are you going to trust? Modern science and
technology…or the magic of yesteryear? I leave the decision up to
For those of you who are new to this thing called Tidbits…may I
direct you to my home page at www.tyler-adam.com where you will
scroll down the table menu till you get to the box that says
Tidbits…and inside the box where it says Tidbit Graphics…click on
the link that says: Saint…where you will see the graphic of our
gold and bronze ojime.
And there ya have it. That’s it for this week folks. Catch you all next
week. Benjamin Mark
TYLER-ADAM CORP.–Jewelry Manufacturers
E-Mail to: firstname.lastname@example.org