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The Instant Art Critique Phrase Generator


#1

With all the comments on wearable vs non wearable, incoherent
descriptions of art pieces, etc., I thought I would forward, for
your holiday enjoyment, a small (though hilarious) critical tool,
originally sent to me by Tim McCreight. If you know Tim’s work,
teaching and books, you know that he is capable of clear, articulate
communication, so the following is, by juxtaposition with his usual
modus operandi, even more of a tickle. Enjoy this and a happy,
healthy return to the light (for those of us in the Northern
Hemisphere and for those in the Southern, you lucky dogs, enjoy your
Summer).

Linda

The Instant Art Critique Phrase Generator
Received from Tim McCreight, Portland ME.

Feeling inarticulate? Critically gauche? Or just verbally powerless?
With the Instant Art Critique Phrase Generator, you need never again
feel at a loss for commentary or ‘insights.’ Here’s how it works:

Pick at random any five-digit number, such as 80479, then read off
phrase #8 of Table A, phrase #0 of Table B, and so on. The result is
a Critical Response to the Art Product (figure out the
acronym) sentence.

Add a few more five-digit numbers to make a longer C.R.A.P.
statement. After you have mastered the basic technique, you can
realize the full potential by arranging the phrases in DAECB order,
etc. Soon you can produce critiques as easily and fluently as anyone
with an MFA!

TABLE A

  1. I’m troubled by how
  2. With regard to the issue of content,
  3. I find this work menacing/playful because of the way
  4. It should be added that
  5. I agree/disagree with some of the things that have just been
    said, but
  6. Although I am not a painter, I think that
  7. Um…
  8. I’m surprised that no one has mentioned yet that
  9. It’s difficult to enter into this work because of how
  10. As an advocate of the Big Mac Aesthetic, I feel that

TABLE B
0) the internal dynamic

  1. the sublime beauty
  2. the disjunctive perturbation
  3. the optical suggestions
  4. the reductive quality
  5. the subaqueous qualities
  6. the iconicity
  7. the aura
  8. the mechanical mark-making
  9. the metaphorical resonance

TABLE C
0) of the biomorphic forms

  1. of the sexual signifier
  2. of the negative space
  3. of the spatial relationships
  4. of the facture
  5. of the purity of line
  6. of the Egyptian motifs
  7. of the gesture
  8. of the figurative-narrative line space mark
  9. of the sexy fish

TABLE D
0) verges on codifying

  1. seems very disturbing in light of
  2. contextualizes
  3. endangers the devious simplicity of
  4. brings within the realm of discourse
  5. makes resonant
  6. visually and conceptually activates
  7. notates
  8. spatially undermines
  9. threatens to penetrate

TABLE E
0) the accessibility of the work

  1. a participation in the critical dialogue of the 90s
  2. the eloquence of these pieces
  3. the remarkable handling of light
  4. the inherent overspecificity
  5. the distinctive formal juxtapositions
  6. the essentially transitional quality
  7. the larger carcass
  8. the substructure of critical thinking
  9. the exploration of montage elements

#2
Pick at random any five-digit number, such as 80479, then read off
phrase #8 of Table A, phrase #0 of Table B, and so on. The result
is a Critical Response to the Art Product (figure out the acronym)
sentence. 

Or have this done for you automatically at
http://www.pixmaven.com/phrase_generator.html

Noel


#3
Pick at random any five-digit number, such as 80479, then read off
phrase #8 of Table A, phrase #0 of Table B, and so on. The result
is a Critical Response to the Art Product (figure out the acronym)
sentence. 

Or have this done for you automatically at
http://www.pixmaven.com/phrase_generator.html

Noel


#4

How Fun! Thanks for sharing!

Hmmm… could a similar generator be manufactured for artist
statements?..You know, the ones that talk about at least two of
the following: Earth, wind, fire, vaginas and the meaning of life
(blah, blah, blah…)

I was taught to solder by a local 78 year old fishing and hunting
guide who possessed a 9th grade education. His “graduation” took
place on the beaches of Normandy. His take on all of this (BTW, his
work sold in very fine galleries) was: “I ain’t a artist or a
designer. I jest make shit for money. I guess that makes me a
jewelry 'ho.”

Now that’s perspective!

Happy New Year to all! And thanks to all who contribute to this
forum. It really helps folks like me living in the boondocks!
Otherwise, I would have no place to turn for wisdom and sage advice.

Peggy on the Outer Banks
www.saltmarshdesigns.com


#5
Hmmm..... could a similar generator be manufactured for artist
statements?.... 

Believe it or not - here it is
http://playdamage.org/market-o-matic

Louise
http://www.fine-wire-jewelry.com/spectrum


#6

Peggy,

I was taught to solder by a local 78 year old fishing and hunting
guide who possessed a 9th grade education. His "graduation" took
place on the beaches of Normandy. His take on all of this (BTW,
his work sold in very fine galleries) was: "I ain't a artist or a
designer. I jest make shit for money. I guess that makes me a
jewelry 'ho." 

Thanks for the good laugh. In one way or another we are all “jewelry
ho’s”. Happy New Year to all of you out there in Orchid Land.

Joel
Joel Schwalb
www.schwalbstudio.com