Boston(UPI)
They’re calling him the Wonder of the Web! Seventy-eight years
young John Burgess, who hails from New Zealand, won the Boston
Marathon today in record time. After a stellar performance
resulting in a photo finish, Burgess beat out his closest
competitor, a twenty-five year old New Yorker, George Crenshaw,
who was last year’s winner. Burgess coasted across the finish
line taunting Crenshaw with a demonstration of the talent and
determination that has propelled him to the top of the sports
world. A virtual unknown in marathon circles when he made his
debut two years ago, this victory gives Burgess a clean sweep of
the major marathon races in the world today. Asked to disclose
his secret of success, Burgess launched into a lengthy diatribe
concerning lift, drag,energy coefficients, momentum, and the
miracle of modern orthopedic medicine. Burgess, the so called
"Bionic Man", plans to attempt to qualify for the next Olympics
as the anchor man of the New Zealand relay team. “I might also
try for a spot on the hammer and javelin throw team,” Burgess
speculates,"It all depends on whether the technicians
constructing my new artificial shoulder joints are ready in
time. They seem to be having a bit of trouble understanding my
design. I may have to go up and give them a hand, so to speak."
John Burgess achieved world wide recognition and vast wealth for
his designs of new artificial joints for the human body and has
been granted numerous patents for his revolutionary ideas on the
human Musclo-skeletal system. “I’m living proof that you can’t
keep a good man down,” John said."Just wait until you hear about
my new cure for arthritis and watch my dust at the Olympic Games.
Asked what the orchid logo on his running suit represents,
Burgess gave a wink and a smile and stated,“My salvation in life
and the inspiration for all of my ideas.”
[God be with you, John Burgess- get well soon.]