John Burgess, get well soon


They’re calling him the Wonder of the Web! Seventy-eight years
young John Burgess, who hails from New Zealand, won the Boston
Marathon today in record time. After a stellar performance
resulting in a photo finish, Burgess beat out his closest
competitor, a twenty-five year old New Yorker, George Crenshaw,
who was last year’s winner. Burgess coasted across the finish
line taunting Crenshaw with a demonstration of the talent and
determination that has propelled him to the top of the sports
world. A virtual unknown in marathon circles when he made his
debut two years ago, this victory gives Burgess a clean sweep of
the major marathon races in the world today. Asked to disclose
his secret of success, Burgess launched into a lengthy diatribe
concerning lift, drag,energy coefficients, momentum, and the
miracle of modern orthopedic medicine. Burgess, the so called
"Bionic Man", plans to attempt to qualify for the next Olympics
as the anchor man of the New Zealand relay team. “I might also
try for a spot on the hammer and javelin throw team,” Burgess
speculates,"It all depends on whether the technicians
constructing my new artificial shoulder joints are ready in
time. They seem to be having a bit of trouble understanding my
design. I may have to go up and give them a hand, so to speak."
John Burgess achieved world wide recognition and vast wealth for
his designs of new artificial joints for the human body and has
been granted numerous patents for his revolutionary ideas on the
human Musclo-skeletal system. “I’m living proof that you can’t
keep a good man down,” John said."Just wait until you hear about
my new cure for arthritis and watch my dust at the Olympic Games.
Asked what the orchid logo on his running suit represents,
Burgess gave a wink and a smile and stated,“My salvation in life
and the inspiration for all of my ideas.”

[God be with you, John Burgess- get well soon.]

   Burgess gave a wink and a smile and stated,"My salvation in
life and the inspiration for all of my ideas."

[God be with you, John Burgess- get well soon.]


Bravo Rickyextremely well stated.

How many manuscipts have you written, anyway?

If not, you have missed one of your natural callings.

If I had your talent with the written word, my banker and I would
be the best of friends.

I truely enjoyed your posting…I know John did also.


Ken Shields

End forwarded message

Thanks to Ricky Low for passing that news story on to us.
However, I still have a question or two:

Has John been winning triatholons as well as marathons? I would
certainly expect him to be in not just the well-known "IronMan"
event, but also “PlasticMan,” “PolyethelyneMan,” &c . . .

If John is going to be in the relay, the javelin, & the hammer
throw in the Olympics, shouldn’t he be in the decathlon as well?
Just a few more tasks to perform–a piece of cake for a guy in
his condition.

And I’m still curious to see what that brain transplant would
have done.

Anyway, it’s good to have his expertise back.

Joel Kahn <@Joel_Kahn>
Comptroller for Maxon’s Jewelers
Diamond Merchants & Estate Jewelers
2622 S Glenstone, Springfield Missouri 65804 USA
Voice: 417-887-1800 or 417-887-1809
Fax: 417-887-3422

Hi Ken-
Thanks for the compliment, I really appreciate
it. But it wasn’t really all THAT! It was a slow day on Orchid, I
was bored to tears, and I thought to liven things up a bit. Glad
that you enjoyed my attempt at levity, and glad to see that John
is back with us. Regards- RL