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Jeweler's Joke


#1

I suppose lots of you have heard this one already, but here it is.
Not exactly a jeweler’s joke, but close. --Judy Bjorkman

Joe’s will provided $ 30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the
last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her
oldest friend. “Well, I’m sure Joe would be pleased,” she said.
“I’m sure you’re right,” replied Jody, who lowered her voice
and leaned in close. “How much did this really cost?” “All of
it,” said Helen. “Thirty thousand.” “No!” Jody exclaimed. “I
mean, it was very nice, but $ 30,000?” Helen answered. “The
funeral was $ 6,500. I donated $ 500 to the church. The wake,
food and drinks were another $ 500. The rest went for the
memorial stone.” Jody computed quickly. “$22,500 for a memorial
stone? My God, how big is it?!” “Two and a half carats.”


#2

Alright, are we gonna do jokes now? Here’s one:

Q: How many jewelers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Only one, but first you have to figure out which bar he’s (or
she’s) in.


#3

Group names:

A gaggle of geese.
A herd of horses.
A flock of seagulls.
A pack of rats.

A sleeze of jewelers.

I heard this on the Johnny Carson Show when I was a child.

Kim.
www.kimericlilot.com


#4

What’s the closest thing to Silver?
.
.
.
.
The Lone Rangers behind

David Geller


#5

Group names:
A gaggle of geese.
A herd of horses.
A flock of seagulls.
A pack of rats.

I swear this is true A Bloat of Hippos

Justine


#6
I swear this is true A Bloat of Hippos 

And just to get the rest of them over with…sigh

a congregation of alligators
a shrewdness of apes
a pace of asses (no, I won’t get political)
a cete of badgers
a battery of barracudas ( I am thinking conga line…)
a cloud of bats
a shoal of bass
a bask of crocodiles, (dreaming of Zeeba neighbas no doubt…
(comic strip reference))
a sloth…or a sleuth of bears
a volary, brace or plump of game birds
a wake of buzzards, (now that’s funny)
a quiver of cobras
a murder of crows
an unkindness of ravens
a pitying of doves
a shiver of sharks
an intrusion of cockroaches, (lol…I’ll say)
a cackle of hyenas
a wisdom of wombats…

No I am not kidding…

Want to know more? Go to: http://www.thealmightyguru.com/Pointless/
AnimalGroups.html

Lisa, (tribe of goats, cry of greyhounds, kindle of cats, peep of
chickens, company of parrots and one horse…the snake escaped),
Topanga, CA USA


#7

no no a sleeze of lawyers

a carrot of jewelers

Silver & Cameo Heritage Jewelry
www.corneliusspick.com


#8

ok but would it be a carat of jewelers or a karat of jewelers? it
could also be bench of jewelers too?

Maegan


#9
ok but would it be a carat of jewelers or a karat of jewelers? it
could also be bench of jewelers too? 

How 'bout some specific nomenclature within the field:

An “ingot” of metalsmiths.
A “crucible” of casters.
A “loupe” of gemelogists.
A “flourish” of engravers.
A “judgement” of critics.
A “peen” of forgers.
A “kernal” of rasers.
A “dop” of lapidaries.

Just musing,
Andy


#10

here’s yet another joke to add to the other two jokes (so far):

‘two jewelers wee side by side at a south florida show and decided
to share a $1.00 lottery ticket saturday evening. their ticket won
the $20,000,000 jackpot - giving them each $10,000,000. the local
television station picked up the story and went to interview each at
the show on sunday about the jewelers’ plans for the money. the first
jeweler wanted to go to cities where he’d never gone to any art shows

  • a house for mother - on and on with the usual list. the second
    jeweler shrugged at the question and answered “well, i guess i’ll
    just keep on doing shows until the money runs out.”

ive
who figures if all we work for is money, we’d just rob banks.


#11
ok but would it be a carat of jewelers or a karat of jewelers? it
could also be bench of jewelers too? 

I think it could be a Carat of diamond dealers and a Karat of
jewelers.

But I was taught that it was a “clutch of goldsmiths” interpreted
from Yiddish with my rather poor German, referring to our able talents
to fix things in a clutch.

Nanz Aalund
Associate Editor / Art Jewelry magazine
21027 Crossroads Circle / Waukesha WI 53187-1612
262.796.8776 ext.228


#12

here’s a few more we came up with at work recently:

a hammer of goldsmiths
a cabochon of lapidaries
a facet of diamond setters
a rouge of polishers

Maegan


#13

A ring of maillesmiths. :slight_smile:


#14

people, how about:

“a jackleg of judges”

(look it up)

ive
who thinks there should be fewer televisions and ipods and more
dictionaries in every home or studio.


#15

Forewarning! this one is really corny but cute. It was told to me
today by a co-workers who’s husband is a chef.

How do you make gold soup?
add 24 carrots to water!

Like I said really corny.
Maegan


#16

Hi Maegan,

How do you make gold soup?
add 24 carrots to water!

Like I said really corny.

Not really, that’s corn chowder!

Dave


#17
ive, who thinks there should be fewer televisions and ipods and
more dictionaries in every home or studio 

Televisions yes, ipods no! Who wants to sit in a silent studio? Even
my fabulous local public radio station gets old after a while!

Matthew Crawford
www.MatthewDesigns.com

Read the 2003 thread “Studio Tunes” at
https://orchid.ganoksin.com/t/studio-tunes