So listen. There once was this tortoise who got finessed into running
a race with a hare. Most thought it was a slam-dunk… a no
contest… the tortoise didn’t have more of a chance of winning than
a snowball had of freezing in hell.
But they overlooked one mighty important fact. The hare was made of
flesh and blood and bones and fur… the tortoise-- our tortoise–was
made of gold and diamonds and white agate. For those of you ready to
pounce and tell me I have it all wrong and all that… I just thought
I’d mention that this is my tale and my tortoise… and I’ll present
the facts as they truly are and were … and not the way they were
conjured up by Aesop… who may well have had some small knack for
telling a story but had a tendency of not always getting the facts
straight. He was a moralist… not a reporter. I am the reverse.
Let us first separate the whos from the whys. The “who” here is: Who
won the race. This… for the ultra-discerning mind… is obviously
irrelevant. More important is why. And I don’t want to hear any of
that steady steady wins the race… and an inflated ego such as the
hare had is sure to lead to failure. That’s a lot of baloney. Most
successes in this world have inflated egos… though one might want
to ask which came first… the success or the ego… and doesn’t one
just naturally derive from the other?
I shall give you the facts as they are… and not as Aesop recounted
them. One quick segue… did Aesop have a first name. Irving Aesop
maybe? Or Sebastian Aesop? How can one trust–I ask you–the
recountings of a man with no first name? Trust me… I know what I’m
saying. I have a first and a last name.
First of all… the tortoise had an immense psychological advantage
over the hare. Aside from Mr. A’s tale… the stories about the
tortoise are endless. There’s the African version where the tortoise
convinces the lion to place him in the river in order to soften his
shell. Crafty devil got away with his life. And there is the Swahili
song which immortalizes the Zen aspect of the tortoise’s existence.
“I move house and yet I never move house; I am at home wherever I
travel.” Is there anything like that for a hare? The best I ever
heard was said by Elmer Fudd when he referred to the hare as a
As to the Agate from which our tortoise was made… without going
into detail… I want to let you know that this stone has many
talismanic properties and therapeutic values. Should our tortoise
have sprained his ankle during the race… the very fact that he was
made of Agate would have cured the sprain instantly.
I could go on… but I feel I’ve done my bit… and so I shall
retreat from the scene… maybe go and have a little schnapps with
Aesop if he’s around… and ask him what it is with him and this no
For those of you who are new to this thing called Tidbits…may I
direct you to my home page at www.tyler-adam.com where you will
scroll down the left side menu till you get to the area that says
Current Tidbits… and then click on it in order to view a gold and
agate tortoise with diamond eyes… by Chaumet. Value 3500 Euros.
And there ya have it.
That’s it for this week folks.
Catch you all next week.