The Underthing.
So…before I commence…by a show of hands…how many of you out
there missed me? Hmmm?
There is in this world, conspicuous consumption, and then there’s
Conspicuous Consumption. This article, my friends, speaks of the
latter. And though many of you will know what I am speaking of, I
present this li’l ol’ Tidbit for those who do not have time to
peruse the catalogs of the world.
We all like to adorn ourselves with pretty things. If not for
that, Calvin Klein and Tiffany, and all the other folks producing
beautiful things would be hard pressed to make a living.
They go to a store. For her…a ten carat rock to wear on her
finger for the world to see. For him, a Maserati, to wear under
his ass as he sits, driving, touring the streets for the world
to see. And why not? If you can afford the bauble, go for it.
'Twas the week before Christmas / and all through the land /
Folks were in malls / shelling dough out of hand. And I was no
different. A scooter for Tim. A dolly for Ann. But…but but but
…what do I get “her”???
Buying a thing for a woman ain’t no easy task, lemme tell you. I
wandered about when…there…just ahead…was a store that
might have something. It’s name? Victoria’s Secret. I don’t know
about the rest of you guys, but for me, browsing a place like
that is a tad uncomfortable. But I squared my shoulders, and put
on my most intellectual look–I don’t have a natural, devil may
care look in my repertoire for a store like that–and I
meandered over to the counter which housed their Christmas
catalog. Easier to look at that than finger the merchandize.
I did not look up as I perused the pages. Oh lordy lord…please
please please don’t let anyone see me here. But then, suddenly, I
lost all sense of self-consciousness. I was engrossed. Sure, the
women were gorgeous…their bodies gangbusters. But I paid them
all no never mind. What attracted me was a brassiere. Wait wait.
Don’t look at me like that. Let me explain.
Our little bra is worth Five Million buckeroos. It was designed
by a Ms. Janis Savitt. And its contents are as follows. It has
over 77 carats of marquise shaped rubies. Total carats for the
pear and marquise shaped diamonds: 330 carats. Total amount of
gemstones set into this bra…600 glimmering sparkles of light to
illuminate that dark room just moments before whoopee. And all of
these set, of course, in platinum.
Imagine folks, somewhere in this world, some guy comes home and
says, “Honey. I got a little something for you. I hope you like
it.” And she says, upon opening it, she says, “Oh Johnny baby
boobie, you shouldn’t have.” And then, with a coy little smile,
she adds, “Would you like me to model it for you? Would you?” Oh,
the giggles that night. Surely, though perhaps for different
reasons, an evening of ecstasy for both. Dontcha think, folks?
Now for those of you who want to see this Underthing, you know
how to view it. To my home page, down the table menu, to the box
that says Tidbit Graphics, and click on Bra.
And there ya have it.
That’s it for this week folks.
Catch you all next week.
Benjamin Mark
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