In ancient Egypt women were said to copulate with a divine goat. As
an aside… I went to Egypt this summer and did not see one woman
copulating with any goat… divine or otherwise. What a gyp. Hey! You
think “gyp” comes from “Egypt”? No wonder I didn’t see any women doing
goats.
In A.D. 120 Plutarch remarked that the most beautiful women were
chosen to lie with the divine goat of Mendes. What do these goats
have, I wonder.
European tradition has it that the devil often appeared in goat form.
It is also believed that goats are never seen for 24 consecutive
hours. You want to know why? Sure you do. It’s because goats make
periodic visits to the devil to have their beards combed. Wow. Who
woulda thunk it? This certainly explains why one almost never sees a
goat with a disheveled beard.
Did you know that if you meet a goat while starting a business
venture… success is certain. This of course is no mean trick.
Imagine you’re in Manhattan. You rent an office. You’re in the
jewelry trade. You buy some gold. You buy some diamonds. But what
the… It’s not working out. By golly. You need to meet a goat.
Yellow pages maybe? Rent-a-goat? You’re doomed to doom. You begin to
roam the streets looking for a goat. Any goat. You stop eating. You
stop sleeping. You don’t wash. Your clothes become tattered. Day and
night… up and down Broadway. But alas… no goat.
However… suddenly… as you gaze dejectedly down at the pavement
one day… you espy a glitter of yellow with touches of blue and
black and green. Boucheron… the great jeweler… has come to your
rescue. He has sent you a gold goat with turquoise eyes and a
chyrsophase flower in it’s yap and black enameled horns and hooves.
You pick it up and bray with glee. You snort and stomp and prance
back to your office. Your tatters mend themselves. Your hair is
suddenly combed. You’re groomed. You walk into your office. The phone
rings. The orders are flowing in.
You put your hand in your pocket. The goat. Where’s the goat? It’s
gone. Gone forever. But no matter. You’ve met him and your life is
set. As a tribute you grow an small beard on your chin. A goatee if
you will. Women begin barging into your establishment. They want you.
There’s only one fly in the ointment. How do you share your good
fortune with the world. How do you present them with an image of your
goat for all to see? Ah. Not to worry. Your good buddy Benjamin has
such an image and he does not mind sharing it with all.
Are you ready to see? Are you ready for huge success in your life? Do
you want to live an existence of lascivious folly and excess? Not to
worry folks. I am here to help. So go… go now… quick… and
encounter Boucheron’s goat … and be forewarned… I will not be
held responsible for the draining of your energies.
For those of you who are new to this thing called Tidbits…may I
direct you to my home page at http://www.tyler-adam.com where you
will scroll down the left side menu till you get to the area that
says Current Tidbits… click it… and you will see represented on
our pages an image of an amusing little goat by Boucheron-- valued at
3200 Euros in 2002–that will surely lead you down a path of
decadence.
And there ya have it.
That’s it for this week folks.
Catch you all next week.
Benjamin Mark