Sub-title: Scam Artist or Genius?
Sub-sub-title: The Sculptor and the Setter
5’ll". Fedora … angled. Thin. Elegant. Mustache. Van Dyke. Cane
… no limp. Tweed vest. Tweed everything. Looking for a setter. I
hear you’re a genius. Got any broken stones? Want to do some work for
All this in one breath. He looked like Don Quixote. But no Sancho
Panza. Yeah. Sure. Why not? No broken stones though. No problem no
problem lad. I’m a sculptor. High class or nothing. Only the best.
Got a show coming up at the Met. Me and Salvador. You want to come
… you’re invited. I’ll let you know when.
All this … years ago. He was in an out of my life in scant seconds
if one measures time in relation to how long this earth has been in
existence. Almost forty years have come and gone … yet he sticks
in my mind till today.
I tell you about him because I found a piece of jewelry that is very
much reminiscent of his work. For those of you bored with this little
diatribe … go take a look now … if you don’t mind missing an
amazing tale of technique.
He came back … as promised … and brought me some globs of gold.
Globs. Formless masses of yellow. This is my sculpture. This is what
I do. Put a stone in this hole. And one in that hole. As to the
stones? Don’t ask.
Take a round diamond with a chip in it … a ten pointer … polish
the chip flat so the stone is now a half-round with one ] straight
edge. He had tons of these. All colors. He bought broken goods for a
song. Polished the chips out. Shapes mattered not a whit. However
they turned out … that was how they turned out. He presented these
to his elite clientele. Custom cuts. I make these to custom fit the
sculptures I make. Each item is an original. I am an aahtist.
Nick it in lad. Make it tight. Don’t worry about how it looks. Zip
zip. Job done. He looked at it … told me I was brilliant … paid
me … and left.
He was around for about six months and then gone forever. Never
heard from him again. Went to the Met to see his show. All society
was there … or so I thought. Society … and one lone Benjamin
Mark … diamond setter to the elite. This is my setter. This is
Benjamin. What a talent. What a find. Benjamin … this is Mrs. Von
Haughtiness- up-the ass. How do you do. How do You do? Ta-dummm! Or
should I say … Ta-dumb!
Only later did I find what his sculpting technique was. I pass it on
to those of you with or without talent–makes no difference–who
want to create original masterpieces … all one of a kind … to
pass on to an ever-waiting gullible world. This–I would guess–will
only work with the super wealthy … who must surely always be on
the prowl for originality. Of course … you will need a touch of
panache. For those of you who have that trait … you will soar to
Here’s how it’s done. Take a kettle of cold water. Place it on the
floor near a melting furnace. Take some gold. Melt it in a crucible.
When it’s nice and liquidy … hold said crucible a few feet over
water and pour slowly. That’s it. End of story. Take the resultant
globs out of water … buff very lightly … we do not want this to
look too finished … stick some piss-poorly re-cut stones in
there-- diamonds only mes amis–and put a post on back if it’s
earrings … a loop for a pendant … etc. Your cost? I would guess
about fifty smackeroos or so. Your sell price? Minimum … one
thousand bucks. Hey. It’s aaht.
So I suppose you want to see a piece of jewelry that’s reminiscent
of my man Quixote’s work. Yes?
For those of you who are new to this thing called Tidbits…may I
direct you to my home page at www.tyler-adam.com where you will
scroll down the left side menu till you get to the area that says
Tidbits Graphics … and then click on the link that says: Blob …
in order to view a creation that defies description.
And there ya have it.
That’s it for this week folks.
Catch you all next week.