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[Tidbits] Panic

Okay. To start off let me tell you right now that this Tidbits has
absolutely nothing to do with Panic. Waaall … except for one teensy
weensy little thang. And so the question is … how did the word
Panic come about?

There was once in Greece a god older than most who had an enormous
sexual appetite coupled with great stamina (this … before Viagra
and Cialis were invented folks) and who was said to have coupled with
all the Dionysian Maenads. Now I don’t know how many of you have
ever tried coupling with one … maybe two Dionysian Maenads … but
I’m here to tell you this ain’t no easy task. I’ve heard tell …
though I’ve never read it in a book … that they’re a lusty bunch.

Now when his enemies began lurking in the woodlands our god would let
out a magic shriek so terrible as to instantly disperse those
enemies. The god’s name was–of course–Pan … and the effects of
his magical yell caused Panic. Now how’s that for etymology, mes
amis?

And so I segue with incredible finesse to a marble statue of our god
as he stands … hunched over with enormous majesticalness (it’s in
the OED ladies and gennulmen) exuding a power that can only be
exuded by the greatest of all studs … the fornicator of
fornicators … Pan. By comparison … Don Juan was a mere speck
afloat in a infinite universe.

Ah … but what a statue. Our goat-man god is a shaggy-haired,
bearded chap with legs and horns and the tail of a goat. He’s
grinning at us over his shoulder … surely looking around for a
fair maiden to conquer with his charms. His exaggerated facial
expression is typical of the high-baroque style developed during the
second century B.C.

For those great numbers of you who are constantly wondering why they
have never seen a goat for any twenty four consecutive hours …
this is–as most of you surely know–due to the fact that goats must
visit the Devil on a daily basis in order to get their beards
combed. This is quiz-show folks … one never knows when
this type of knowledge might come in handy. It is to be stored in
the clutter- closet of your brains to be retrieved when needed. Yes
yes dear friends. This is all true … else I would not say it.

As to the purists amongst you who are trying to figure out how this
relates even remotely to jewelry … let me explain. Pan is made of
marble and marble is a precious stone … and precious stones are
used in … and yada yada yada.

In any case … for those of you who are lovers of beauty in an off-
beat fashion … you must look at this Pan. Some limbs are missing
… probably caused by the wear and tear of his meanderings through
the centuries … but no matter. The parts of importance are all
still there. I am talking of his brains … of course.

For those of you who are new to this thing called Tidbits…may I
direct you to my home page at www.tyler-adam.com where you will
scroll down the left side menu till you get to the area that says
Tidbits Graphics … and then click on the link that says: Pan in
order to view a godlike statue.

Benjamin Mark