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TIDBITS - Buccaneer's Gold


#1

B u c c a n e e r ’ s G o l d

And when I say Buccaneer, I’m not talking about the price of
corn folks. (Buck an ear. Buccaneer. Get it?..yuk yuk.)
So…here’s the question. While the Aztecs and the Incas were
being robbed deaf, dumb, and blind by the Spanish
Conquistadors–all in the name of their king, of course-- who do
you think was the most infamous pirate of the high seas,
plundering plundered treasure from Spanish plunderers? Hmmm? Do I
hear any volunteers?

Here’s how the story goes. While our Spanish looters, Cortez
primarily, were emptying the South American gold larders for
their king, who never got to see of any of that yellow metal
anyway, word got out and the great age of piracy began. Avast ye
swabs…and pay attention. (BTW…avast ye swabs is all the
pirate talk I know. But I love the way it sounds. Avast ye swabs!
) And so, in the beginning, while the sailing vessels were
full and the taking was easy, while Cortez tried to ship gold to
Emperor Charles V, the treasure was stolen by a French buccaneer
–name unknown because my source didn’t think the name was
important enough to mention.

Now then, England did not want to be left out in the cold…with
no gold. So…in the sixteenth century, Queen Elizabeth hired an
Englishman to attack and steal all he could from the Spanish
galleons of her brother -in-law, Philip II. It’s a bit sad in a
way, because if you can’t trust your sister-in-law, the queen,
then who can you trust? Well, you could trust Benjamin Mark, but
he wasn’t around in them thar days. Or was he? But I
digress…and so I continue. At the time that he was still only a
brilliant admiral, grabbing golden treasures where he could find
them, Francis Drake was only Admiral Francis Drake.

However…great deeds of piracy should never go unrewarded…and
this held true for Francis. He stole, in one instance, a booty so
large and and treasure-filled, sailing from Panama across the
Pacific and Indian Ocean to Plymouth, that the queen, in eternal
gratitude, made him a knight. He was now as we all know him, Sir
Francis Drake…the erstwhile famous English Buccaneer. Now…who
was it that said that crime did not pay?

Okay. So what?..some of you may say? I need visuals pal. What
do I care about pirates and treasures if I can’t see anything?
I’m from Brooklyn, buddy, or Alabama, or wherever…and I wanna
see. Well my friends…I would never want it to be said that I
neglected even one of you. So what do you think I did? Eh? What’s
that you say? You think I scanned a golden vessel dating back to
the 10th to 13th century? A vessel from Peru with a standing
manikin with a monkey on it’s back no less? That’s what you think
I did? Well I’ll be…You got it right on the head. I yam
astounded.

But it’s magnificent folks…not like that “ungepotchket” watch
of last week. (Ungepotchket…folks…is a Yiddish word that
succinctly describes an object that is slapped together and
assembled without form or sense and is esthetically displeasing.)
If you want to see this Peruvian treasure, go to my home page–as
if you didn’t know…and scroll on down to where it says
Tidbits…and then Tidbits Graphics…and thar she’ll be. South
American Peruvian magnificence…personified in gold.

And there ya have it.
That’s it for this week folks.
Catch you all next week.

Take care,
Benjamin Mark

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