Dear Fellow Victims,
I’ve been enjoying the trollpost series, and the learned
disquisitions upon the various sub-species and their nasty habits;
trolls, gremlins et al. We all have our stories about these
encounters. Pack rats run a poor second to these pests.
When it comes to the difference between trolls and gremlins, it’s a
fairly simple distinction in my mind. Gremlins are more active. They
like to mess about with moving parts. They tend to cause tools and
machines to misbehave or not perform at all when most needed. Trolls
are more likely to lurk passively in dark places, but they are ever
alert to take advantage when things pass or fall within their reach.
For example, I was producing a series of earrings a few years ago
and, while polishing one of a particularly nice pair, a custom order
no less, a gremlin who lives in my polishing motor caused the wheel
to reach out and grab the piece it and toss it across the shop.
Typical gremlin tactic. Just my bad luck that it landed near a troll
who instantly hid it.
Now, here comes the important part of the story. Never mind that
well-meaning Orchidians have offered suggestions like opening your
eyes wide, putting down carpets, using flashlights, vacuum cleaners
with panty-hose, or whatever. These tactics may help in an ordinary
fumble-fingered moment but when the T & G gang is involved, the main
thing is to watch what you think. Here’s what happened next.
I don’t like it when the two tribes of trouble-makers collude and
gang up like that. I got mad and this is what I resolved - “i will
find the earring if I have to take the whole shop apart.” This was a
dumb thing to resolve because the buggers can read minds and they
immediately agreed to that condition. As far as they were concerned
it was as good as a signed contract.
Although I did move a lot of stuff around - a lot of stuff - I never
did find the danged earring, not that day, nor the next day, nor the
next day. I’d gone quite bonkers, you see, and had long since given
up calculating the value of my time. I was beginning to feel like I
was close to discovering the secret entrance to the twilight zone or
the tenth dimension. Eventually, however, I did have to return to the
real world, pay bills, feed the cats, etc so I gave up the search but
I did not forget it. There was some satisfaction in the fact that I
had a customer whose quaint habit it was to wear mismatched earrings
and she had a standing order for odd singles, so it wasn’t a total
loss.
Skip ahead several years to when we decided to move into town and I
had to dismantle the whole shop for the move. Fifteen years of
remnants of woodwork, boatbuilding, metalwork, repairing farm
machinery and drying herbs etc all had to get sorted out. And so,
just like I had resolved on the long-ago day, when I finally did
take the whole shop apart, there was the earring - shining out from
some improbable crack between workbench and wall, just where the
troll had hidden it. I KNOW it could not have gotten there by any
natural process because I went to the Bronx High School of Science
and have other worthy credentials plus a lifetime of experience that
makes perfectly clear to me what is or is not possible at any moment.
So - when you suspect the little critters are up to their tricks the
first thing to do is shut down your mind entirely. Go blank! Best
thing, I guarantee it! It’s easier on the heart too.
Marty in Victoria BC, where, needless to say, a number of trolls and
gremlins managed to sneak into some of the packing boxes when we
moved and have come along to town with us.
