We jokingly refer to this as a customer having read “The Book”. It
seems as though someone, somewhere has written a book on how to take
advantage of your local jeweler. The following are some of the
excerpts we have been able to derive from the behavior of those that
we think have read it.
"Rule Number One: "If you can get your jeweler to even just touch
your jewelry, you have them! If they do any repair on your jewelry
(even clean it for free), and a stone comes out five years later,
insist that it is their fault (‘There was nothing wrong with it
until YOU worked on it!’ is the recommended phrase, just ignore the
incongruity of this statement - they will find it impossible to
argue with your superior logic). Demand that they replace the lost
stone with a larger stone of higher value (whatever they show you,
just say ‘No, it was bigger than that’). Also insist that while they
are at it, they should do any other repair work necessary (at no
charge to you, of course). This rule applies whether you paid for the
original work or not and also whether you had any recommended work
done or not. (F.Y.I. - NEVER pay your jeweler do the work they
recommend. They are just trying to rip you off and it is not required
to enforce this rule anyway) Ignore any posted warrantee policies.
They do not apply to you. They are only for the little people and
those that don’t know as much about jewelry as you do.
"Rule Number Two: If your jeweler sizes your ring, it should fit you
perfectly for the rest of your life, whether you bought it from them
or not. If it ever becomes too tight or too loose, or even if you
decide to wear it on a different finger, insist that they must have
measured your finger incorrectly with that ring sizing thingy. Demand
that they make it fit you properly, like they should have done in the
first place five years ago. Do not take “No” for an answer, and do
not pay anything for this. To do so would only show weakness and
demonstrate that you can be reasoned with.
"Rule Number Three: If your jewelry ever becomes slightly discolored
for whatever reason, or makes a mark on your skin and/or clothing
accuse your jeweler of using inferior metal or even of not using
precious metal at all. Explain (in as loud a voice as possible) that
you saw a show on TV or read an article in 'Wealthy People Quarterly"
about how jewelers use this new kind of metal to rip off people that
are not as smart as you are. It looks and feels exactly like white
gold or platinum but is so inexpensive that the manufacturer actually
pays jewelers to use it. You think they may have used this fake metal
when they made or repaired your jewelry. Why else would it be turning
or getting scratched on the bottom? This is a very useful technique
for getting your white gold jewelry re-rhodium plated for a reduced
cost or even for free. A great thing now that rhodium is so
expensive. It also re-opens the door for enforcement of Rule Number
One.
“If all other rules fail and you cannot get your new piece of
jewelry for free, accuse the jeweler of switching your diamond. This
one gets ‘em every time! Explain that it was your Great Grandmother’s
and that it was over a hundred years old and was a Flawless
Blue-White Ideal Cut Russian Diamond of Museum Quality. Every other
jeweler that has ever looked at it tried to buy it from you, but you
knew what it was REALLY worth and wouldn’t sell it. This invariably
will leave them gasping for air and fumbling for an explanation of
why this is not really a possibility, but it will put you in the
enviable position of being able to demand anything you want. Mention
your local TV News expose’ reporter’s name (or that your
brother-in-law is a lawyer) in your demand, and again, do not take
"No” for an answer. If they try to tell you that they did an
examination when you brought it in, ignore this. They can’t prove it
to your satisfaction, right (wink-wink)? Tell them they lied then,
knowing that they were going to switch it as soon as they saw it. Use
the word ‘Lawyer’ again, if they insist. As with most other rules,
timing is everything. If you back off at exactly the right moment,
you can get almost anything you want. Your jeweler will be so
relieved that you’re not going to sue they will actually be happy to
do some free repairs. If you play it right you may even be able to
get a free appraisal out of the deal. Use the diamond-switching
technique sparingly. Unlike Rules Number One and Two, it can only be
used once per jeweler.
“If you use these rules, you may not be able to get everything you
want, but you will certainly get more than you could if you just walk
in (like a sap) and act in a reasonable manner. Remember that your
jeweler (just like everyone else) is really only out to rip you off,
so you must beat them to the punch. The biggest and most powerful
secret of all is that they just hate for anyone to be unhappy with
anything they do and will do practically anything to make you happy,
especially when they find out just how rich you are and how smart you
are about all of this jewelry stuff, and if they think you might tell
your friends that they tried to rip you off. This weakness will
actually keep some of them from sleeping at night. Use this valuable
to your advantage and get that jewelry work done for
free!”
Fortunately, the actual number of people that have read "The Book"
is very few. If anybody has a copy of this book, I would sure like to
look at it.
Dave