Jewelry "Friends"

Jewelry Discussion
21

Hi

If this is just a misunderstanding, lost in a messsage, get
conversation going that includes your costs of production.

Thanks so much for all the responses. Sorry to get so personal on the
forum, but I was shocked, really. I looked back on it and I have
learned to do things a bit differently for the future. A sale
requires a written invoice for order, that is given to the
“customer” (friend whoever) before the order is made. The person has
to understand up front what they are expected to pay (even if we’re
at a wedding and I’m drinking a little wine) I goofed on this one,
but I won’t make the same mistake twice.

As for the mother in law, I have decided that she cannot go shopping
in my case unless she’s bringing out the cc. She may have meant that
she wanted this item for Christmas, but I’m saving to set up my
studio. She gets a bowl. That’s what I got last year and that’s what
I got the year before, a bowl. She got a knotted pearl necklace with
a 14k clasp and matching earrings…I got a bowl. It’s time to take
a stand. Maybe I’ll get her a bowl.

Thanks again everyone
Kim

22 
Next time you happen to visit your sister-in-law's home...find
something in the house that you can point out to her like a can
opener and say to her, "I really like this can opener"..."I could
really use a new can opener"...and pop it into your purse. Make
sure that she sees you and then just stare at her and smile...

Brilliant! And very funny to boot!

Kim, you are in a sticky situation. I’m so sorry you have to deal
with this BS! That is completely unfair and wrong of your SIL to do.
It’s shocking, to say the least.

Your situation is hard because it’s family. I would approach her and
tell her you are more than happy to give her a family discount, but
the piece was expensive to make (supplies as well as time) and you’re
sorry for the misunderstanding but it wasn’t meant as a gift. You
either need her to pay for it or return it.

As far as billing her or taking her to collections which is what
some people have suggested I don’t know if that’s your style. I
don’t know you except from Orchid, but what I’ve seen is that you’re
kind and considerate and understanding. I find the billing approach
very cold, and you are dealing with family who you will have to see
in the future. Personally I wouldn’t want to alienate family, but
that’s just me. In the end you have to go with whatever situation is
right in your heart.

Are you close with your brother? If things don’t go well with the
SIL, maybe you could approach him and tell him you’re in a awkard
situation and how should you go about handling it?

Do you usually get her gifts for Holiday and birthdays? If she makes
a stink and is being a PIA about it you can tell her that it could
be a present for xxx amount of Holidays/Birthdays. My mom used to
take things off me and claim them as hers. I told her, “sure you can
have that, Merry Christmas for 3 years! Seriously Mom, you won’t get
anything more than a card from me for 3 years.” Which actually
worked out kinda great, saved me from coming up with presents for
years!

And, now you know in the future that you need to be very upfront
with family on pricing and payment. I don’t see anything wrong with
asking for a deposit, just explain that you have to purchase the
materials and it’s what you do with every custom order. I did a
custom ring for a very very good friend of mine and I asked for a
deposit to cover the cost of the emerald and the white gold. He was
fine with it. I did give him a discount off of what it would have
sold for retail, but I didn’t give him a wholesale price. If he
wanted something cheap, he could’ve gone to the jewelry district or a
chain store.

It’s really hard at first to deal with family and business, but I
find it’s best to treat them like you would a very special customer.
Don’t bend over backwards for them because they will always expect
it. When my family/friends order pieces from me they know that it
takes a while to produce and, because they get a discount they have
to wait until my accounts are serviced, so it takes longer for them
to get their jewelry.

Good luck with whatever you decide, Kim and keep us posted!

Amery Carriere Designs
www.amerycarriere.com

23

My canned responses depending on how the comments were phrased are
either, “All items are hand made in Canada and I’m paying Canadian
Rent” or “Sorry Sweet-heart, even my Grandmother pays those prices”
which is true, I’ve never convinced her to accept a discount. The
last line with a sweet smile has actually caused some small number of
people to turn strange shades of grey and leave my booth. Apparently
I’m intimidating, no idea how though, it was never my intent but I
have to laugh when it happens, if you find me intimidating you
probably don’t have a strong enough personality to wear my designs
anyway.

As for family most of them haven’t even seen what I do, I was too
afraid of being swept under with useless business advice. It
certainly isn’t to many of their tastes so I wouldn’t want to put
them under any pressure to say nice things anyway.

Were I you I would be more upfront with the fact you are offering a
discount, and the sis-in-law… well I’d probably be day-dreaming
about mailing her a fish. Note I said day-dreaming… no postal
worker deserves to carry a three-day old poorly wrapped fish.

Norah Kerr
www.besmithian.com

24

I take care of my parents, and my wife’s mother, for free, to very
low cost, on all their repairs, and cost only on new pieces other
than what I gift them for Christmas, birthdays, etc… but any other
relative, friend, etc… is nothing better than a ‘good deal’. If
they expect more than that, they need to find a new friend or
relative to sucker. So far I have lost noone but people that I didn’t
like anyway.

Ed in kokomo

25

I ran into this is an electrician before my carrier change, I always
had family asking for special treatment. I can say this DONT DO IT!
my family discount is I will get to them first, and I MIGHT take an
extra few minutes to make sure the job is a little extra special.
Discounts are a dangerous buisness, you run the risk of offending
customers and loseing buisness “I heard you gave so and so this much
off.” When you discount your work you make all of us who have
invested in ourselves less valuable. If they dont like it tell them
to get there own skills. Since you have been doing this since the
begining it will be hard to get over the hump but keep trying or
they will keep takeing advantage of you, family or not.

Thanks for listening
Sean

26

All,

this is an interesting thread. Just to let you know these “friends
and family” are not limited to the jewelry industry. My husband is a
dentist and as soon as he finished his residency his family members
started to tell him that they stopped seeing their regular dentist
because now he is one. They also started inundating him with
problems and told him that they would fly up to him because it would
be cheaper for the airfare than to see the dentist for their
problems. My husband informed them that he would not treat them for
free nor would he treat them that it isn’t something you should do
for family.

He does get calls asking for his opinion and most of the time the
answer lies with I can’t see the problem, nor do I have an xray, so
therefore you should ask your dentist. If you would like for me to
talk to him I will gladly do it.

So,I would say you have to nip it in the bud at the beginning. If
you have trouble with that then the next option is to tell them (and
I have) that whatever I “sell” them will cover the cost of material
and labor. Then I hike the price up, because doing “favors” for f &
f will only lead to enemies.

Jennifer Friedman
Ventura, CA

27 
Some of the other stories are truly odd. Does anyone have a canned
response to these kinds of things? Last week, I sent my new
sister-in-law things she had ordered and she left me a message

Wow.

I would just refuse to sell to these people at all. Refer them to a
gallery. Maybe you could say the gallery does not allow you to
“compete” with them by selling yourself. You gave them an exclusive.

This interaction with your family is toxic and I would stop the
interaction by refusing to sell. This will make them mad, but what a
refreshing change to you being walked all over.

Elaine

Elaine Luther
Metalsmith, Certified PMC Instructor
http://www.CreativeTextureTools.com ™
Hard to Find Tools for Metal Clay

28

Kim et all. They guys get hit just as hard. Ask any male in the
business, that has a lot of females in his family. You will hear some
very interesting and possibly hair rasing stories.I speak from
experience here. out of 27 direct family, not counting the in-laws,
outlaws, Aunts, cousins etc. * are male. You can guess the rest. It
is interesting how many of them are now happy with earrings and
simple bracelets.This is a fun thread. I’m not alone in this "gimme"
mess.

John (Jack) Sexton

29

I know the feeling - I’ve got a wife and a sister-in-law who need to
be kept supplied. Fortunately my wife and I each have friends who are
happy to pay a decent price for whatever they like.

Brian Corll
Vassar Jewelers

30

Never really had a problem with this. Family and friends, I decide
how much of a discount, if any, I want to give them. Mark it up that
percentage when I tell them the price, and then give them the
"discount" I get paid, they love me.

I do generally give anyone in my very small town a %10 discount just
for form’s sake. Family members buy at wholesale,(unless I can’t
stand them), and friends…real ones, get about 20-30% off. No one
ever asks…They know better with me…lol…I just give it when
writing up the receipt. Oh…always write up a receipt, that way the
"discount", looks tangible.

Cheers,
Lisa, (Have a long heart to heart with sis in law. something more than
necklaces is going on there.)Topanga, CA USA

31 
As for the sister in law (she's got some big ones) she would have
left me temporarily speechless, then I would probably asked her
why she wasn't going to pay for the piece, and finally demanded she
return it. Not to state the obvious, but never, ever, give her
anything again!

Barrie, I KNOW I speak for the entire Orchid Community on this one -
you just speak right up anytime you feel like it!!! Welcome to
Orchid, from me, at least…

32

Kim you need to set your price-- and stick to it. they think becouse
you made it it didn’t COST enything. Would they ask a baker to give
them a cake or bread for free just becouse they made it and not
shiped in from unknown places?

Don in Idaho

33

Hi Kim,

My approach- being basically non-confrontational is to create a
quick flyer,postcard, or brochure with your "2006 Pre–Holiday Sale
and Custom Order Offer " or something appropriate and creative, and
mail it to everyone on your mailing list, or list of offensive
relatives and friends.Though i don’t work for or endorse them,
www.vistaprint.com offers some excellent easily created templates
and full printing services free for the postage to first time
customers, then you can expect them to keep sending you offers for
more “free” items like business cards, magnets, brochures, flyers,
etc…they are quick, easy and cheap, and it gets the point across in
a most crystalline manner…you are in the jewelry business for profit
and not a gift giving agency…

This instrument lets them know:

A) you are in business to make money

B) your jewelry costs money and you have X_ payment terms (cash,
cheque, credit card, etc.)

C) if they get orders in early ( give a cut-off date) they can have
first pick of the pre-made inventory, and that custom orders carry a
charge above the normal discounted"sale" price you need to get for
your creations.and it is the same for everyone that receives the
mailing.Giving a code that they must enter on an order form, or fax,
or answering machine (leave it on if you are truly over dealing with
them!! and need to get some work done!!!)

D) you have overhead…In your brochure you can put in small print,
something to the effect of: this mailing is to help reduce the
overhead costs of generating a full 4 colour catalogue of all the
available items you have for sale, and is, in no way representative
of your full line of art jewelry…or tailor it to reflect whatever
subtle sentiment you want to get across to them…keep your wording
objective as though you are a professional marketer targeting a mass
market, and not your family- you just decided to let them in on your
“special sale flyer” mailing…It may solve all problems once and for
all.

Once again you have business questions…while this is the place to
openly, freely discuss these situations, advice and potential
objective solutions, and the business of art jewelry, et al. I
believe it is in your best interest to attend a seminar or intensive
that speaks to the small business owner as an artist and
entrepreneur.You have so many questions that no one minds answering,
and in fact helps some of your colleagues reflect on our own business
acumen, but can be addressed succinctly through a micro-enterprise
based course. Usually they are free and available at community
colleges, or other sites and through the SBA, and organizations like,
for instance, the mountain micro-enterprise foundation- a foundation
that offers support to start-up businesses, and small scale
entrepreneurial operators that covers the basics from business
planning, goal setting, marketing, sales, etc. and funding
opportunities that you may qualify for as a woman, minority, or
income related situations. Its worth checking out. I am in no way
discouraging you from posting anything on Ganoksin, i have just
looked at most of your posts and they all center around basic
business skills and the business of artisans and crafts people. CERF
is also a resource worth your time. Craft Emergency Relief fund,
they have plenty of links, as does about.com jewelery making, and
William Lasley- crafting as a business. He has an entire site through
about.com devoted to the issues you need answers to. I believe you
would find a lot of good, pertinent info there as well as on
ganoksin, but more specific archives geared to the business end of
your ventures…