Dearest Helen,
Creativity doesn’t mean that you always sit at your bench and CREATE.
You are in a cycle, we all are. Sometimes we are productive,
challenged, excited, energized and all cylinders are running. Other
times we are slow, feel dull, empty headed, unfocused and bored out
of our skulls. Just give yourself the time you need, no matter how
much time it takes.
Guess what. This is completely normal and there is nothing wrong
with you. As I get older, OLDER? HUH? WHAT?, I find myself days that
I need to rest and do absolutely nothing. Your batteries are
charging. We don’t think of ourselves in that manner but we are and
if we don’t rest, we stress and burn out. This happened to me…big
time. Constant pushing on my adrenal glands to produce, to run
things, to organize, to teach, to travel, to be creative with very
little time to just sit back and recharge totally burned me out. I
became terribly depressed, cried constantly and played my sorry
fiddle until I burned everyone out along with me.
Oooh, I learned a huge lesson about conservation of energy. Although
your mind might be zooming along, your body is telling you to rest so
you won’t do more harm to yourself and it is something you must
listen to very closely.
In Buddhist Vipassanna meditation, of which now I practice daily, it
also involves once a year attending a 10 day silent meditation
retreat. Yeah, me, not talking for ten days…imagine. I’m not saying
that everyone should go and do this, but for me it was illuminating.
Because we are creative types, I need to let go and shut down for 10
days. This is tough stuff, as you don’t get to read, write, talk
except to meditate for hours at a time. There is no Buddha statuary
to stare at, men and women are segregated, and any outside
stimulation like books or even my sketchbook is sequestered. My
monkey brain goes on strike, jumping and leaping. I’ve been through
two of these now and have learned to be balanced, focused, DELEGATE,
develop deeper compassion for myself and others. I return again soon
in early November.
The jist of this is, find what works for you. Let yourself relax and
regroup. Most of all and most important…you are not alone. We are
all just slogging along, trying to find what works best for us. I
think you are very brave to even broach this subject so candidly and
Orchid is still the friendly living room with all your friends
sitting by you.
Every response is not just an email address, but if you put all of
us in a room with you, that’s a lot of people who understand. My
return to a new way of living took me three years. It takes the time
it takes and you can’t rush your life.
Two points from Vipassanna, Anicha (everything changes) and sooner
or later, everything in your life blows up…several times. No need
to cling to what you should be doing, just observe how you are
feeling and let it pass.
When you are ready, your cylinders will click again.
Hugs, Karen
