I have no business sense. But as my life grows longer and my
remaining time shorter, I have some sense about how my priorities
shift. I don’t want to end up starving in the street, of course, but
the “strictly business” approach to how i spend my time is certainly
a less important consideration than it was years ago.
There are obviously a lot of details in your situation which are not
explained in your query and which are really nobody’s business but
your own - for example, why you can’t get life insurance. However,
reading between lines and guessing at your age and stage of life I
have a pretty strong first reaction. I might ask both yourself and
your husband what sort of life you want to live for the time
remaining to you? Is the most important consideration whether you die
with a bank loan outstanding? Or is it more important for you to
create the things that only you can create. Nobody else can do what
you do. When you are gone that work will never be done by anyone
What is the meaning of your work to you? Is it strictly economic? Are
you dreaming of a big business? You sound like you have good
potential customers lined up; cruise ships et al. So it seems the
worry is not really coming from the economic part of the equation. Is
it that you want more than mere financial return? Does your work have
a message or a unique beauty which you wish to see out in the world
for admiration, appreciation, understanding? Likewise these qualities
reflect upon your personal value as a human being, the jewelry being
merely the vehicle by which these things are both given to your
customers and, hopefully, received by you along with the cash. Maybe
a simpler way of asking these questions is this: Do you simply need
the income or does your work represent personal satisfaction to you?
Is it FUN? Do you LOVE it?
Does your husband have any confidence in your being able to pay the
loan? Has he said as much? If you sell as you expect to sell, there
should be no burden upon him. Would he rather see you remain, in
some sense, unfulfilled rather than to undertake a little economic
risk on your behalf? Does the prospect of that worry prevent him from
supporting your effort? What does he expect to do in his imminent
retirement? Will he want, need, some kind of support or
encouragement from you to do what he wants? Does he have a dream to
follow? Or is he simply going to settle down in front of the telly?
Do you, either one, wish to end your days with a good credit rating
or with some personal joy? Do you talk about this aspect? Do you
think similarly on this?
Don’t worry about the bank. There must be some kind of loan
insurance available. You will, in searching for a way to conform to
the banker’s conditions, meet many young people sitting behind desks,
just doing their jobs, and who will seem to have no heart or soul at
all. They will say and think that they are bound by "the rules."
Certainly they are miserable living and working like that. Don’t
envy them. They will eventually have to face questions similar to
those you are asking. Anyway, “the rules” are always somewhat
flexible if a bit more money can be thrown into the pot by way of a
higher insurance premium or some such consideration. That little bit
extra can be the deciding factor in whether you can secure the loan.
I don’t know what country you are in - Is there some kind of small
business branch of government which tries to help? Have you looked
into that? Do you need to take out the entire amount of the loan all
at once, or can you arrange a line of credit and only take what you
need so your loan payments are smaller, especially at first, and you
can establish some ongoing history and therefore confidence in your
husband’s mind that you can handle the obligation.
Look into yourself. Will owing money cast an entirely different
feeling on your work in your own eyes? Will you still be able to
create and work with pleasure or will you become grimly aware of the
debt driving you on?
You see - I have no real answers. I do have some sense of what it is
to decide whether to live out a dream or to let it die. I say, if at
all possible, follow the path with heart while you can.
best of luck.
Marty in Victoria BC where rumours of Spring are heard from time to